It’s what I didn’t say that hurts. It’s not being able to go back and tell him all those things that swirl wildly in my mama-heart. When I didn’t get to say goodbye, my unspoken words were lost in air so thin they could not find my son who’d died. In December 2014, Alex was […]
The Love Of A Mother: Searching For Justice In The Death Of Jiah Khan
“I feel deceived. Angry. No one wants the truth. They’re just interested in a story, any story but not the facts,” explains Rabya Khan. “I’ve been fighting for over seven years. It’s exhausting.” Rabya is a mother who has single-handedly taken on the police and Indian criminal justice system. She exudes love, strength, and determination. […]
When We Heard Him Call ‘Mama’
Homicide loss mothers know each other’s grief. The commonality of having our child’s life wilfully taken transcends all barriers. Without a doubt, we share a deep understanding of this excruciating pain. The roots of our sorrow reach down and touch spilled blood, our child’s blood. There is violence. The anguish of knowing our child suffered. […]
Should Grief Be A Disorder? The APA Thinks So.
The American Psychiatric Association is creating a new grief disorder with which to diagnose the bereaved. Hard to believe, right? As if we didn’t have a plethora of diagnoses hanging over our heads already, we’re now having another one thrown at us: ‘Prolonged Grief Disorder’. For those who are new to the DSM-5, let me […]
Losing Your Child To Domestic Violence: The Grief Which Follows Intimate Partner Homicide
It was a summer morning in Michigan. The phone rang. The caller told Cheryl that it was an emergency. “It was 8:08 am,” she says quietly, her voice breaking. “I’ll never forget.” We’re talking about the events leading up to the death of Julie, her 27-year-old daughter. “I hadn’t slept well that night, not sure […]
Grief Under Lockdown: Letters Of A Loss Mom From Europe
Days 4 & 5 The reality of what’s happened is beginning to sink in. The European Parliament will close the EU Schengen border on Tuesday at midnight. At that point, 700 million people will be living in quarantine. In most countries, the military has been mobilized. Public life has shut down and it’s anyone’s guess […]
Grief In The Time Of COVID-19: One Loss Mom Wonders – Do You See What’s Coming?
Day 1 Fear is not productive – that’s my mantra for the day. For as I write, I sit on a plane wearing a mask, glasses, and gloves, flying into the eye of the storm. The WHO has declared Europe the center of the Covid-19 pandemic, and it doesn’t get more central than Zurich, which […]
The Lives Left Behind: How Do We Pack Up Our Child’s Belongings?
Our child’s belongings feel sacred. Letting go of them is unbearably painful. Instead, we become guardians of their possessions. We look after them as if our lives depended on it. But what happens when we have no option but to downsize? Or circumstances dictate that we must get rid of what’s been left? What then? […]
The Grief Fog That Comes With Loss
“How could you forget?” he asks, looking at me incredulously. “Really? Again?” He’s right. How could I forget? But then, these days, I forget a lot of things. “I’m sorry,” I say. His irritation hurts me, as does my own frustration at not remembering the simplest of things. I seem to live in a perpetual […]
Grief In The Age Of Despair
We’ve entered 2020. Once again I feel acute grief as a new year starts and I face yet another 12 months without my child. Add to that, my son Alex was murdered on 30th December, so it’s always tough as we move into January. But these days, it’s not only his death that drags me […]