You live in spaces between our words And in the corners where the light, Surprised, Falls quietly against the floor. In a green or blue or muted brown, The brightest orange And blackest gown. In darkness and bright rays, Wisps of grass can hold your breath, A drop of rain your smile, The […]
Fighting So My Son’s Killer Doesn’t Go Free
At first, I didn’t understand. None of us did. We sat in a separate room near the main Court, watching the proceedings on a TV screen and looked at each other. Had we heard right? What was it the judge was saying? That my son’s killer was not guilty? I listened for a few minutes […]
How I Moved From Surviving The Loss Of My Child To Mindful Living
In the first years following the death of my son, I would talk about surviving the death of my child. I was learning to cope with daily life following the catastrophic loss and the use of the word ‘survive’ pretty much summed up my grey, anguished existence. I’d somehow managed — through agonizing pain and […]
‘People Do Care’: A Doctor Speaks On The National Day Of Remembrance For Murder Victims
Alongside the devastating realization that I’ll never hug my son Alex or hear his voice again is the execrable thought that he suffered in his last moments alive. The idea that my child was in pain and terrified as he died is a nightmare shared and revisited by parents and loved ones of homicide victims […]
A Conflict Of Interests: An Open Letter To Dr. Pies
Dear Dr. Pies, Whilst I appreciate your courteous reply to my article “I’m Not Sick, I’m Grieving — The Day Grief Was Medicalized” published August 22nd, 2019, I do take issue with a number of the points you make. I also note, without meaning to sound churlish, that you failed to apologize for your “very […]
I’m Not Sick, I’m Grieving — The Day Grief Was Medicalized
When someone we love dies, it hits us hard. When it’s our child, it annihilates us. It’s not surprising then, that traumatic grief makes us feel we’re going crazy. Often, and understandably, we turn to medical professionals for help. When my son was killed, I didn’t know how to manage my suffering. Two months post-loss, […]
Victim Impact Statements Should Never Have To Be ‘Edited’ For The Guilty Party – But They Are
Earlier this year, a criminal defense barrister in England made an application to the sentencing judge on behalf of his client, a man who was guilty of killing four-year-old Violet-Grace Youens and of causing severe injuries to her grandmother in a hit-and-run. The lawyer persuaded the Court that his client would find the contents of […]
Learning To Speak Our Truth: Grief Secrets Part 2
Learning to express the feelings that weigh us down in grief without having to apologize for them is vitally important in coming to terms with the death of our child or loved one. It doesn’t matter whether we tell a friend or stranger, speak it out loud in the forest or into the wind, or […]
Grief And The Secrets We Keep
Have you ever had dark grief thoughts that made you feel ashamed? Do you hide feelings because you think they’re ugly? Do you have a secret about the death of your child that you fear others will find out? Rest assured, you are not alone: we all have Grief Secrets. I Have A Secret The […]
Grief, Mourning, And Public Grief: What’s The Difference?
The words Grief and Mourning are often used interchangeably. Additionally, the term Public Grief can be confusing. So here’s a guide to the differences between Grief, Mourning, and Public Grief. GRIEF Simply put, grief is what we feel inside of us. It’s the instinctive, natural response to losing someone we love. It’s all our thoughts, […]