There are moments when I look back and realize that however sad I am, I know that at least my mother didn’t have to grieve her grandson too, and for that, I’m eternally grateful. When my son, Alex, was killed, my mother had been dead for 14 months. She had died following years of debilitating […]
Redefining Christmas And The New Year
Oh, how I used to love a big, sparkly Christmas! All of us together, the decorations, carols playing, and food prepared – the excitement, the hugs, the smiles, the presents placed under the Christmas tree. We would sing, feast, and afterward sit snuggly for hours. But then it stopped, extinguished as if it had never […]
The Grief Fog That Comes With Loss
“How could you forget?” he asks, looking at me incredulously. “Really? Again?” He’s right. How could I forget? But then, these days, I forget a lot of things. “I’m sorry,” I say. His irritation hurts me, as does my own frustration at not remembering the simplest of things. I seem to live in a perpetual […]
Grief In The Age Of Despair
We’ve entered 2020. Once again I feel acute grief as a new year starts and I face yet another 12 months without my child. Add to that, my son Alex was murdered on 30th December, so it’s always tough as we move into January. But these days, it’s not only his death that drags me […]
How I Moved From Surviving The Loss Of My Child To Mindful Living
In the first years following the death of my son, I would talk about surviving the death of my child. I was learning to cope with daily life following the catastrophic loss and the use of the word ‘survive’ pretty much summed up my grey, anguished existence. I’d somehow managed — through agonizing pain and […]
I’m Not Sick, I’m Grieving — The Day Grief Was Medicalized
When someone we love dies, it hits us hard. When it’s our child, it annihilates us. It’s not surprising then, that traumatic grief makes us feel we’re going crazy. Often, and understandably, we turn to medical professionals for help. When my son was killed, I didn’t know how to manage my suffering. Two months post-loss, […]
Victim Impact Statements Should Never Be ‘Edited’ By The Guilty Party – But They Are
Earlier this year, a criminal defense barrister in England made an application to the sentencing judge on behalf of his client, a man who was guilty of killing four-year-old Violet-Grace Youens and of causing severe injuries to her grandmother in a hit-and-run. The lawyer persuaded the Court that his client would find the contents of […]
Learning To Speak Our Truth: Grief Secrets Part 2
Learning to express the feelings that weigh us down in grief without having to apologize for them is vitally important in coming to terms with the death of our child or loved one. It doesn’t matter whether we tell a friend or stranger, speak it out loud in the forest or into the wind, or […]
Grief And The Secrets We Keep
Have you ever had dark grief thoughts that made you feel ashamed? Do you hide feelings because you think they’re ugly? Do you have a secret about the death of your child that you fear others will find out? Rest assured, you are not alone: we all have Grief Secrets. I Have A Secret The […]
Grief, Mourning, And Public Grief: What’s The Difference?
The words Grief and Mourning are often used interchangeably. Additionally, the term Public Grief can be confusing. So here’s a guide to the differences between Grief, Mourning, and Public Grief. GRIEF Simply put, grief is what we feel inside of us. It’s the instinctive, natural response to losing someone we love. It’s all our thoughts, […]